I have yet to meet one single person who would describe me as shy but since this blog is all about me and my honest thoughts I have to say that I genuinely am very shy. I'm quite self conscious around people who I amn't close to and being a typical female I have much lower self esteem than I present myself to. Probably the time I'm shyest is with people I really like.
Once again I would expect that anyone I've been romantically involved with would disagree with me but it is very much true. I second guess everything I say and do around someone I have a crush on and when I'm around them I'm embarrassingly preoccupied with how I might appear to them. When I'm not around the object of my affection it's easy to tell myself that I'm very secure and fabulous and they aren't worth it if they don't love me for who I am....as soon as they appear my inner me reverts to my awkward 12 year old self who is positively terrified of revealing the fact that I am secretly a boring loser with myriad uncool hobbies and tendencies.
I like being myself and I generally like to think that my uncool aspects, my quirks and my flaws make me who I am. Sadly it is quite normal to every so often wish you were a little different in order to impress someone who you just think is the bees knees. No matter what we may say, everyone secretly wants other people to be interested in them, to think they're cool, in a way to validate their opinions of themself. When we meet someone who we're really attracted to their opinion becomes the one we most want to appeal to.
No comments:
Post a Comment