Wednesday, 23 January 2013

love stories

'Every great story has a flawed hero and of course a love interest..'

Well my story definitely has a flawed hero, I guess its the lack of love interest that makes my story lack direction As I said to a friend of mine the other day, its ridiculous that despite having great friends, interesting and varied hobbies and being at college doing a degree I love that my thoughts revolve constantly around boys. My best friend and I have realised that we're beginning to sound like the dreaded  Carrie Bradshaw compulsively analysing the relationships or lack of them in our lives. I'm not long out of a serious two-year relationship and looking back I've not really been single since I started dating at fifteen. On top of being single for the first time in my life I've also just gone through a pretty big life change, leaving school and starting college, new friends, new routine, new love interests-its all feeling a bit surreal. Its like an out of body experience looking at my life and all the people in it and just analysing it all.
I would definitely say that despite being a 'flawed' individual, like the hero of any story I've had some beautiful and lovely moments in the world of love. True a lot of the guys I've gone out with were great when I was with them, its just afterwards that they suddenly became someone else. I guess that's the beauty of the 'story'; it can just cut off still in that magical honeymoon period and there's never that awkward moment where you run into them afterward, or you hear a rumour they spread about you or you're harassed by them. Generally though I can't say I've been unlucky in love, I'm even friends with many of my exs, one of my flaws is that I'm quick to forgive and tend to hate confrontation so no matter how broken my heart is I still want that person in my life, partly because I can't forget all the great things about them that are why they were in my life in the first place.
One of the things that rarely comes up in the story is the sheer mountain of self criticism we enter into when we start to fall for someone. We convince ourselves that because we notice all the little things about them, that they do the same around us. The other day I managed to convince myself that a friend I thought was cute was only interested in me when I was wearing lipstick simply because we'd hung out more on the days I'd been wearing it.
The problem is that despite having reached my 'I'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man' stage, love is all anyone seems to care about. 'Anything new with you?' is always, always code for 'Any boys?'. I've become very difficult to converse with simply because I'm single and not really on the pull. My same best friend has decided that I have no love interests not because I haven't been out but because my broken leg is putting them off (an added paranoia to my already troubling lipstick predicament). 
I'm glad that my love life is boring, its gives me a chance to advise in the dramatic love lives of my friends. I guess that maybe the love interest in the story doesn't have to belong to the hero in order for it to have an influence on the hero's life. I guess at this point in the story, my role as the hero is not to pursue some obscure love interest (who I have yet to meet!) but to just be comfortable in my own skin and use this break to commit my heart and my time to my friends who ask for my advise. That said I wouldn't mind a little spark, might make this bleak winter a little more magical.

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