No time to write much today but talking to an old friend reminded me of a nickname I once had: Goody Two-Shoes. My best friend growing up was half Brazilian and only spent half of the year here in Ireland and called me the name affectionately-not realising that it was considered a tease here in Ireland. I remember telling her I was offended and asking her not to call me it but looking back I can't quite pinpoint why I was offended. To be perfectly honest I was, and still pretty much am twelve years later, a Goody Two-Shoes.
I guess those of us who are seen as 'bad' just want people to see how 'good' we can be, while those of us always seen as 'goody-goodies' just want people to think we're bad and a bit wild from time to time. Honestly, whatever people assume about me I inherently want to convince them of the opposite. People who know me well will know that I'm actually a bit boring, I don't drink or smoke, I've never been arrested, I barely even go out and when I'm at home I'm usually watching T.V. or doing chores like a good daughter. I'm pretty similar to how I was when I was 7 year old 'Goody Two-Shoes'. All that's really changed is my outward appearance and a handful of strange hobbies I've acquired.
Since I was 14 I have no longer looked like the 'Goody Two-Shoes' I am. I remember my very first boyfriend's father being wary of me because I had dyed hair and boobs. I've looked older for my age pretty much since I hit puberty and having had a string of boyfriends, dyejobs and the occassional punky haircut people began to make assumptions about me.
Now most of my schoolmates still knew I was a nerdy, debate loving, teacher's wet dream but out of uniform people thought all sorts of things. For a while I actually liked it, I'd never been that badass chick and it made me feel cool. After a while though, it started to make me self-conscious and even offended; people implied all sorts of behaviour, from sexual behaviour, to boyfriend stealing, to lesbian trysts, to run ins with the Gardaí and I started to get sick of it. I just wanted people to see me as Goody Two-Shoes again.
Now that I'm out of the jungle of secondary school I feel like I'm finally capable of being both my personalities. When you leave school, life's deck of cards is reshuffled and you get to introduce yourself as whoever you want to be to all the new people in your life. People still question my duller habits, especially the not drinking. While others question my more, I like to think badass, attributes-like my multi-hued hair or my tiny tattoo. At the end of the day I finally feel secure enough in myself that no matter what assumptions people may make, I know that being Goody Two-Shoes is nothing to be ashamed of, even if the only people who seem to find it completely pride-worthy are my parents.