Today I have misplaced my sparkling personality-I have become a wet towel of a human being with all the vibrancy and vivacity of a slug. I am having a day of disillusion- nothing interests me enough for me to motivate myself in any way which is rather...well depressing. I'm sure I am currently depressing you my dear reader with all the ennui that is positively oozing out of me.
This year has not been going to plan and like any human I have my days when this thought gets on top of me like that mucus monster in the sinus-medication advert! Between the recovery from the broken leg and my immune system having crashed and burned I have days, like today where I am too unwell and exhausted to energise myself to get things done.
Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed it feels so much easier to curl into a ball and pretend the world is a big black hole than to force the weight of it off of us and battle through and feel better for having got shit done!
But it is absolutely no fun being a misery guts-it makes you feel worse and it makes it harder for people to be around you too- the feeling of 'God I'm a miserable cow today' just makes you more of a miserable cow! It's the same as anything you dislike about yourself bothers you more every time you acknowledge it.
The only person who has the ability to put you down is yourself and it's something we are all particularly good at which is a sad thought. Luckily even on days like today when I feel like I'm allowing myself to be a useless individual (and I really am-it is pure sloth that I am allowing to overwhelm me) I always tell myself that it's OK to be like this every so often because no one can fir on all cylinders all the time.
While I may have my days where I am totally boring, lazy, lacking in motivation, miserable, cranky and downright depressing I know that I also have the ability to be fun and happy and cheerful and hardworking and helpful and kind and interesting.
Today though I am dull as dishwater, I am a grey blob, I am frankly a little bit of a waster today!