Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

This isn't about missing people. I want to talk about missing parts of yourself or your life. To put this in context, I have been in some form of leg brace or cast since the end of October. I feel as if I am missing a huge part of my life. It difficult to go out socially, when I'm in college I can barely walk far enough to go for lunch with my friends and most of all I miss dancing.
I;m generally an extremely active person. I cycle to and from college, I go to the gym and pool. I dance two or three times a week and am a member of a number of sports societies. I was also returning to parkour this year when I discovered that I'd displaced a bone and needed an operation to fix the damage. More than anything I'm devastated to be missing my dance exams this year.
While the experience of wearing a leg brace and the last two  months on crutches have been physically and mentally exhausting and I've been pretty downhearted about the impingement on my ability to socialize the most difficult part for me has been being unable to dance. More than any other kind of exercise (and I love to exercise) dancing feels like an integral part of not just my life but myself. While I'm trained in several styles-to performance level in some-I need to dance everyday. Not always properly, sometimes not even well, but music moves a part of me deep inside and I cant keep the feelings inside.
When I'm cooking in the kitchen I stretch and balance on one leg, when I;m brushing my teeth I shimmy and tap my feet and when I'm alone in my room I bust out routines to whatever's on the radio. Not being able to club the last while has contributed hugely to the longing to dance building up in my heart. Even people who don't like to dance know the euphoria you can feel when the combination of heat and pumping music and thinly disguised sexual tension hits you-it carries you away from yourself.
It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder-I never realized before now just how deep rooted my passion for dance was. It's probably why I've felt the need to express my creativity even more than usual; such as through my blogs and my play-writing and sewing etc.
I guess I'm a passionate individual and due to being crippled physically (and as a result socially!) I've been missing myself. Soon I'll be back on my feet and hopefully back to myself. Absence from myself will certainly stop being so 'fond' and start driving me mental if it goes on much longer.

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